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![]() `Many a times boys grow up without knowing some crucial facts about women and relationships. It is the responsibility of a father to sit their son down and pump some sense into them, make them understand the little things that will make them fail to sustain their relationships and probably end up hating every woman out there for absolutely no reason. 1. She might cheat WITH you. Like for real, a woman does not love you because you are the most handsome, muscular and sexiest thing standing on two legs since King Solomon. There are bigger, hunkier and more sexy lads out there. Women are sweet beings who will fall in love with the most useless dumb ass out there and show them immense love for who they are and what stands out in them. And that could be you they cheat with, son. 2. Never EVER get your ass into her handbag. Do not rummage through her email, do not scroll down her phone, never should you meddle with her "privacy", do not call to ask her where she is, who she is with, when she is coming, what took her so long. Act like a man AT LEAST for once. 3. Never should you use VITAMIN V. Son, if the lion down there refuses to roar ahead of action, just turn your back and sleep. Your brain is in your head, not below your belt. Sex is no food and in fact, women themselves say sex is overrated. Do not sit in a corner somewhere hating yourself and stressing up when your friends are making money and drinking expensive champagne and whiskey reading nice books and magazines. ikikataa imekataa. 4. Do not call those funny relationship advice radio shows. Never ever should you call those mushenee dens to complain about women. Sometimes the so called relationship counselor you seek advice from has worse problems than you have. So, if someone dumped you, cheated on you, slapped you or did what she did, man up, fix it or take a walk. It for sure doesn't harm. 5. Sex is no "kalongo". If you do not use protection, you will knock up the Sharpshooting Flying Squad sergeant's daughter. Use the damn sheath. Hitting the sack is no playing marbles. Better still agree on what type of contraceptives to get involved with if you really wanna eat raw meat straight outta the slaughter house. 6. Son, doubt half of what mama said. Mama said you are intelligent, hard working, handsome, strong and powerful. The truth is, maybe you are just half or less half of what she said. Do not strut around like you own the earth. You are just dispensable and if you died today, there will be a brainier lad sitting at your desk in less than a month and girls will be all over him giggling, throwing hands all over him and going weak on the knees every time he stands. 7. Leave the smell to skunks. It does not mean perfuming yourself like those fellas from somewhere in Isilii. Scrub those armpits, brush the teeth, boy. If you stink, girls will run away and your career will come stumbling down too due to the stress much more than when you have a clean head packed with a cockroach's brain. 8. Your shoes, please. Sorry son, but that was high fashion in the days of Vasco Da Gama . Invest in decent boxers. You might have the coolest belt, watch and shoes, but if you strip to torn, orange-colored boxers! Her great grand children will hear about it. Also the worst scenario is when you get caught in a traffic accident with dodgy underwear. And just a reminder, NEVER EVER should you sleep commando. You are not in Canada, kid. You never know what can happen at night when you are sleeping. You never wanna be that guy dangling it down a well-lit street at full throttle on a cold rain-drenched night. 9. Never should you hurry home. My grandpa was a wise man who told me that a man never hurries to his own home. Take your time, you are going to your home, right? HOWEVER, this rule ceases to apply in the event gangsters, dogs, cops or a jilted husband is chasing you with the intent to commit a felony. 10. Now son, what G-spot? Finally son, never waste your time searching for a confounded thing called a G-spot. It could exist, or it is just a rumor. Who really cares? As long as she reaches that point she forever wants to remain at, you are okay. For years, we never knew of the massive deposition of oil in Turkana. Did it kill us? No. The explorer, Sir Henry Morton Stanley came to Africa, the British intelligence lied he was searching for the source of R. Nile. Son, the guy was looking for the G-spot, he never found it! REGARDS TO THE NAIROBIAN.
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AuthorShitabule Bentley Dennis(Bien) Archives
July 2017
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